Bargaining With The Man Who Can't Be Bargained With

October 26, 2016

I kind of made a bargain with God. My desire was to just go -- go to the mission field, be the salt and the light. While I repeated to myself "if not, He is still good", I still was secretly bargaining with God. "Lord, please send me. Send me. Allow me to be your hands and feet. Lord, I will be doing your will." "Let me do this, and I will give praise to You". I prayed each night that He would open doors if it will be His will.

I wanted for my intentions in these prayers to be so selfless. Rather, they were unfaithful.

I was hesitant in prayer. I relied on it as if it was a first aid kit in the back of my car. I only wanted to use it when I needed a band-aid or wanted something to ease my pain. I used it when I wanted something for myself. It wasn't even my first aid kit rather my back-up first aid kit. Sad, really. As the band-aids didn't fully heal my wounds, I grew a deeper relationship with God. I started really getting to know Him. I realized He wasn't a God I could make a bargain with. I realized that my prayers should not be selfish. I realized if I wanted to serve, it couldn't be for myself. My plans are not my plans. God's plan is the one for me. My prayers are not for me, but for the God, who formed my lips, my voice. My heart was leaning towards missions, but my mind was still wavering from selfishness to selflessness.

I don't know the plans that God has for me, but He has some. He has some amazing plans, scratch "some"; He has a handful of plans. He wants to pour into us and make us abundant. You can't really bargain with the Mastermind.

Be faithful in His promises.

Ephesians 3:10 // "God is able to do exceedingly above all, that we ask or think."

God is continuing to work on me. He is continuing to reveal His promises to me -- reminding me. My prayers are messy, because I always jumble my words, but God knows my heart. My selfish actions can reflect a selfish heart. My desires have been to do my own will -- to give glory to not God but myself. God's gentle hand kept pushing me -- pushing and pushing. God made me clay. He gave me trial to break me. He gave me peace to mold me. He gave me a fire to make me His masterpiece. Crack by crack, He filled them with His wise words. My wavering faith broke my heart. I so-badly desired to be all in, but I could not humble myself. My athletic set of mind always wants to be on top. I love the rush of praise. I love the cheers, the echos of my name. I have it all wrong. The echos shouldn't be of my name but of God's. The bargain shouldn't be bargained with God. My offer is nothing compared to what God has for us. He has more than cheers for us. He has an abundant plan if we remain faithful. Give a loud root for God, because His faithfulness remains to us even when we aren't as faithful.

He can do exceedingly more. We don't have to bargain. He already has a set plan.

I am excited to touch the soil of the place I love so much. I am excited to pour into these beautiful people. My heart literally jumps when I start talking or even thinking about my trip. Some say my passion is overwhelming. I say so too. My heart gets so full that I literally jump up and down as if I was rabbit that had five shots of espresso. It is exciting to be witness of so much majesty. God's plan is being revealed right before my eyes. I like this close relationship with God that we have mended.  I like being able to just talk to Him -- casually and I guess in a "formal" matter. I like knowing God on a personal level and not one a "first aid kit" level.

I'll be honest. I ran back upstairs to finish this blog post. I was mid-toasting my waffle when I thought of this. To me, this mission trip is almost like one of those cradle toys -- the one with the many stuffed animals on it that spins like a carousal. It is taunting. This trip will be my first. It will be my first mission trip. There is a number before me that just stares at me. It is also satisfying though. Satisfying, because I know it is right before my eyes. I can see it. I can see God doing these amazing things. I can see God taking each spin and using it. Everything is right before me -- taking the course it is suppose to.

This comparison has a lot to do with God's plan in general. You want so badly to have what is before you in your hands right now. You want it to happen so quickly. It is not until you have grown that you can actually reach it though. It is not until God grows our hearts that we can fully fulfill and touch what He has for us. It may take a few cries before we get there, but trust me, God will get us there. Again, His promises are always faithful.

While His plan is taunting, they are not "bargain worthy". Yes, Christ wants us to ask for things. Yes, He loves our prayers. He loves to hear our sweet voices  -- He wants us to be faithful in them. Put down your bargain and pick up truth -- His divine truth and overwhelming mercies.

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