Chisel Away, Lord

October 25, 2016

Sometimes, painting past mid-night in a long shirt and messy hair is the best therapy. Putting my 'Rave for Jesus' playlist (yes, I named my playlist that) and letting my paintbrush dance energizes me. My brush has been twirling more lately. The heaviness of my heart has given my art a song. God has been challenging me to be vulnerable lately. He has called me to let my walls downs and create transparency. He has called me to let Him break me, so He can build me.

I have started journalling this year. I want to write down my journey as God prepares me for my Guatemala trip. I needed another place to write my "Jesus rants" in. Yeah, I tend to write these rants everywhere. That's kind of been pinned on me. I am a Jesus ranter. My heart gets so fired up that my words kind of spill out everywhere.

Here is another one for you.

To the girl who is scared of being vulnerable, don't let the world steal your peace. Don't let it. It's okay not to have it "all together". It's okay to be "a mess". It's okay to let your paintbrush splatter, and your canvas look like the abstract piece of your heart.

 Your vulnerability does not make you weak. 

I use to think that. There is still a small voice telling me "you are weak" when I become transparent. When I let down that wall, that voice taunts me. It takes strength to free yourself from your shackles. It takes strength to let God free you from those chains. Don't let your flaws walk all over you. Take that outreached hand of our good good Father and let Him be your Rock when everything seems to be failing.

I was on my knees at 2 in the morning -- close to a huge breakdown. I felt overwhelmed. I don't like vulnerability. As much as I want to be raw, I have the world virtue of pride.

Proverbs 18:12 // "Before a downfall the heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor."

It's definitely mine right now. My words tumbled out into a beckon for the Lord to chisel me away. Yep, hack into my heart, Lord. Yeah, my intentions were not to make that last sentence sound sinister. My hope is in the Lord. God, I will need You by my side for everything. I can't fight this inward battle alone; you can't either. There is no battle won without a warrior. Let Christ be your Warrior. My anchor fails in Christ's hands. Christ alone, You are my Cornerstone. As your soul weeps, let His gentle hands wipe your tears. Let Him pick up your heart that has dropped. 

Our God is incredible. He is so transparent. He has revealed Himself over and over. He literally is an open book -- the Bible. God has used transparent people for the glory of His kingdom. He is our Rock. 

He wants us all in. Raw. He takes us as we are -- heartache and all. He is so much bigger than any of our battles. With warfare, there is commitment. Our heart has to be committed to the greater God. In commitment, there is a certain humility - vulnerability. Be vulnerable. His grace is worth it. Our hearts cannot be used if we don't break down that wall. We cannot be used if we aren't all in. God is showing me that. How can He use me in Guatemala if I cannot be vulnerable where I am right now? My prayer is that He will work on my heart. He will lead me to be bold. 

He will provide so much abundance. His blessings will rain -- shower. Being raw is a sign of obedience not of weakness. Instead of reveling  in your imperfections, revel in His abundant grace.

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