Let Your Heart Beat

February 21, 2017

Anxiety captured me today. Stress overwhelmed me to the point where I almost cried on multiple occasions. 
My heart is so loosely tied to the seams right now. It's being pulled to so many different directions. 
Today reminded me of the one night,I had slept in one of the waiting chairs when I heard a family starting to come in. Hugs of welcome were exchanged and each of them talked about how great of a fighter their grandfather was. I slept for a little longer and heard a cheer come from their side of the room. I remember feeling as if they were so selfish. They were so selfish to cheer and celebrate how their loved one would be okay while I had been in that chair waiting for my dad to pass -- while I had been there for over a day, a night, not receiving a single piece of good news. They were there for a few hours and received it. I just couldn't shake how reckless their celebration had been. 
Everyday, I walk past people who are struggling. Who find bitterness in joy. 
Now, looking back, I wonder how people see me through their eyes. How do hurting people see me when I celebrate and laugh and find joy in goodness? How do struggling people see me when I walk seamlessly and smile? No, not how selfish of them. How selfish of me. How selfish of me to not celebrate a life.

My heart was so hardened that it couldn't beat for what other's beated for. My perspective was so turned that I couldn't seek goodness. I didn't see the meaningfulness behind this before. I didn't see, because my eyes were so blinded from bitterness. 
Now, I see. I see that prayers were answered that night. I see that Jesus had His arms wrapped around me tight. He brought me in and gave me so much comfort. He remained faithful even when my faith was lacking. As my heart is anxious right now, I can still see His gentle hands working. As I am overwhelmed, I still have a Jesus who will give me rest. Change your perspective. You are going to go through stuff, but instead of just trudging through, grow through it. Let the loose ends of your heart be pulled together with the sweet truth that there is a love so powerful that it does not compromise.

Let your heart beat. Don't strangle yourself in the anxiety. Find peace in eternity.

Isaiah 59:19 // "When the enemy comes in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord will raise up a standard".

I love how faithful our Lord is. I love how He fights our battles -- how He raises His fists for us and fights. To be loved endlessly is so comforting. Never again do I want to be so bitter that instead of cheering on broken people, I look down on them. 

When your soul is weary and smiles surround you, oh, walk with grace. When strength is emptied of you, seek Christ instead of bitterness. Your feeble heart is so tenderly loved by a good Father. Crowd your ears with sweet truth. 

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